Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
