hell yes lets make some ravioli
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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