It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Randomize
