He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
