Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
