At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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