woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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