I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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