4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
