Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
