Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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