Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Did I show you my penis last night?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
