Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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