And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize