but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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