Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
