Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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