Non-Jews are for practice
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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