Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
