So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
