Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
