it's too hot outside to masturbate.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
