One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
