I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
