2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
