Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize