RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
