I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Randomize
