Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
