went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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