just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
