Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize