i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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