next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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