She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
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