White coat. Heels.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
