No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
