i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize