Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
