the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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