please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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