All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
