I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
