Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
