is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
