I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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