im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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