no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
