So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
wow bdsm is so cute
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
