The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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