he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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