the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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