I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
