Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
