I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
