it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize