You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
