FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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