I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
