Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
