I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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