Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
