so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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