I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
