If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
