I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
