I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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