saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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