Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
