I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
