i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize