I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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