In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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