i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We just shotgunned beers for America
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize