Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
