so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
