wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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