tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
