Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just saw a hot homeless man
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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