My hand turned me down
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
