Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The beer is more important than you right now.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
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