i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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