last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
