did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
