I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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