I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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