I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
