u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I hate all girls vehemently.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
