God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
