Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
