Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
