whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
