whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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