i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
