Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
