an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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