end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
