i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
