Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Oh god it's open bar.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
