Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
