That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
