Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
