First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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