i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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