I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
