my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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