He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
