why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
