How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
