Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
