we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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