woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
