Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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