remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
