you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
