her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
