I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
