I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
