Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
