I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
