I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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